October 2018

Dear Sages,
I have recently gotten a divorce and wondering when would be a good time to start dating again. I was divorced in my mind loooong before we signed the papers. So, I feel ready to find a loving partner that I can share my life with. When is a good time to start dating? Should I wait? If so, how long? even though I went through a very difficult time in my previous marriage, I still believe in love. My friends are telling me to wait but wait for what? I’m not a young kid anymore but I’m sure not two steps from my grave either! Any guidance you can give me in this area would be great!
Signed,
Divorced but not Dead


Dear Divorced but Not Dead,
Thank you for writing into Sage Center! We wish there was a magic number of days, months, years that we could share with you in regards to the perfect time to start dating after a divorce. But as you can imagine, there is none. The key, we believe, is the ongoing process of self-discovery and self-development. In the words of Lisa Wilson, Sage Center Clinician and Divorce Support Facilitator, "starting a new relationship right away without insight, support and guidance as to why the previous relationship didn't work is like going out and getting a new ex!" If you just recently experienced divorce and haven't received any support, our best advice would be to seek support from a trusted professional. What you don't want to keep happening is attracting the same case with a different face! We understand that sharing your life with a loving partner is a strong desire and we absolutely believe there is nothing wrong with wanting that for ourselves. We all deserve love. But before you start dating and seeking a partner, seek for the love within you! Give yourself the gift of support and insight! For any questions about how to start the process, please call us at Sage Center. Lisa Wilson supports people in this area and is available for any questions you may have to start the process! Call her at 678-902-5472.
Signed,
The Sages


Dear Sages,
My wife wants so desperately for me to go on vacation—via airplane!! I’m terrified of planes which has prevented me from seeing the world. My wife has been very understanding over the last 30 years. But now we are retired and she wants us to visit Ireland before we become immobile. She has flown on a plane many times for work and vacationing with friends. But now that we are both retired, she says she wants to enjoy life with me. But quite frankly, I’m terrified. I am 70 years young and still have many more years to enjoy life and I want to get over this fear. And, most importantly, I don’t want to disappoint my wife. I’m not exactly sure where this fear came from. The only thing I can think of that would have any effect would be hearing about a fatal commercial airline crash when I was about 8 or 9. But how could hearing about something like this and not knowing a person involved give me such fear? Is there anything I can do to get over this? If so, what do I do?
Signed,
Retired and Ready


Dear Retired and Ready,
Congratulations on you and your wife’s retirement! And a bigger congrats for being ready to get over this incredible and common fear. You are not alone! Fear of flying is common. According to some research estimates, as many as 25 percent of all Americans suffer some nervousness about flying. The National Institute of Mental Health says this fear, usually called aviophobia, affects just 6.5 percent of the population. There are many techniques that can support people in overcoming fear. Have you ever received any support around this? Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Exposure Therapy are effective ways in treating some phobias. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is effective in treating trauma. You asked how could just hearing about such an event cause such fear. We ask, “How could it not???” Your 9 year old mind didn’t have enough information about the world to know that not all planes crash. And if you had not had any positive experiences in planes, hearing about this could have been traumatic. After all, you still remember it nearly 6 decades later. In the words of Jim Morrison, “Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.” If you’d like more information about support options, please reach out to us. Sage Center clinicians specialize in trauma and EMDR and Breathwork are good choices for this type of fear. If we do not have the specific support you need at this time, we will do our best to point you in the right direction. Wishing you fun and freedom in your retirement!
Signed,
The Sages