December 2018

Dear Sages,
This might sound like a very silly question (and topic) but I’m going to ask it anyway. How do I reconcile my opinions of people with opposing political views than me? I have been having a very hard time with some of the friendships I have with people that have differing political views. If I’m being completely honest, I sadly judge those that have voted differently than me and I completely cringe while typing this! I do not want to be a judgmental person, but it seems that I can’t shake this unease I have with this subject. I wouldn’t have described myself as judgmental before 2016. I have several friends and family members that have differing political opinions and the last couple of years have challenged my view on these relationships. How do I handle these emotions?
Signed,
Vehement Voter

Dear Vehement Voter,
Thank you for writing into Sage Center! This is not a silly question AT ALL! And we are glad you were brave enough to ask. Believe it or not, handling emotions precipitated by the political arena have been challenging for many of our clients. And it makes sense as the climate around this topic has been extremely unpleasant, at best. Fear has made many of us experience the world, our friends AND ourselves not in the best light. The good news is that we can use this information as an opportunity to reexamine ourselves and our friendships, strengthen areas that can be strengthened, and discard negative beliefs that no longer serve us. Is there a negative story you are telling yourself about your friendships and friends because of who they voted for? Or are you examining the whole body of your friendship? Were there things in the relationship with these friends that gave you concern before and the elections just highlighted these concerns? Or are you solely judging them based on who they voted for? These will be interesting questions for you to explore. In the words of Rumi, “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” We hope that you can use the answers to find peace in your relationships and also within yourself. Wishing you peace and discernment!
Signed,
The Sages


Dear Sages,
The holidays are such a burdensome time for me. My father died a couple of years ago and since then, I just do not enjoy this time of year. This was kind of his time of year and it feels weird participating in it without him. I show up to family events and smile but what I really want to do is stay home and watch Netflix and Hulu. If I did that though, my family would bug me to no end thinking it’s their job to cheer me up. I’m not sad. I just don’t find these gatherings enjoyable anymore. I feel like I have no choice when it comes to this time of year and what activities I participate in. It’s an obligation and no longer feel obliged. How do I approach this with my family without causing concern? How do I explain to them that I have new normal? Really not sure how to handle this!
Signed,
Hulu Holidays

Dear Hulu Holidays,
First, we want to express our sincerest condolences regarding the loss of your father. And we completely understand why you would feel disconnected from a holiday that you so strongly associate your father with. Life is different for you now and you experience the world with a different lens than you did previously. What was normal before isn’t normal anymore. In the words of Charles Eisenstein, “we sense that ‘normal’ isn’t coming back, that we are being born into a new normal: a new kind of society, a new relationship to the earth, a new experience of being human.” It’s as if you are relearning who you are. Now, how do you approach this with your family? Here are just some ways you can broach the subject: 1) you can be transparent and tell them exactly what you told us, 2) you can choose to tell them you cannot participate in some activities and not give them an explanation, and 3) you can participate and be prepared to feel feelings as you have been. These are only some of the many choices that could be available to you. Weigh out the pros and cons of each decision and explore what feels best. If your goal is to not cause them concern, your back may be against a wall, though. One can never control how others feel. But, we completely empathize with you wanting to preserve their feelings while preserving yours. Perhaps examining these feelings with a therapist may be helpful. You can then explore all your options and see what feels most supportive to you. We hope that you can access the loving boundaries with your family that you feel you need!
Signed,
The Sages